Myah Joy Thomas entered the world on January 20, 2011. I had a scheduled csection, which was a very fabulous thing in my opinion. I got to the hospital at 6:30 am and by 8:30 am I was on the operating table having my daughter.
we look fabulous here.....ha!
Throughout my entire pregnancy, I felt mentally attacked.....meaning every day thoughts would enter my mind that there was something wrong with my baby. I would continuously pray against it every time it happened. I read a book Joyce Meyer wrote called "Power Thoughts" and it helped me to take my mind and thoughts captive and trust in God with my life and with my baby. I still to this day am a little confused about whether or not this was God's way of preparing me for what was to come.
I will be totally honest in what I am about to say and it might be more info then you would like to hear.
I only had the desire to have 2 children. When I found out I was having a girl I was so excited. I felt that having one of each would complete our little family. I had it scheduled to have my tubes tied and cauterized once they finished the csection. I figured I was done having children and if I am going to be cut open, why not have the doctor do it then and there.
Finally I was going to meet my little princess. The anesthesia worked great. I didn't feel a thing or get sick and I didn't have the uncontrollable shakes like I had with Joel. The doctor took her out, peeked over the curtain they have up so I wasn't watching the scene and she looked at me and said "I don't think it's a good idea to have your tubes tied. It appears your daughter has characteristics of Down Syndrome. I would like to hold off on getting your tubes tied and if in 6 weeks you decide to go ahead with it, it will be a very minor procedure". So I lay there in the operating room thinking to myself "God.....was that you trying to prepare me for this news? It wasn't a mental attack after all? But why would you prepare me for something that is not perfect and problematic? I started thinking "what will we do? How will this affect our lives? Will we ever be able to live a "normal" life? Will she have to live with us forever? And the list goes on and on. So, I was not super shocked at this news because I was somewhat prepared in the back of my mind.
Myah was not pinking up right away, so I got to see her for a few seconds before they whisked her away to the NICU to be put on oxygen. They thought she had all sorts of issues. They thought she had a heart defect because of a murmur, lung issues, digestive issues.....you name it....they thought she had it. I knew absolutely NOTHING about DS and the complications one can have with it. I honestly just thought of a mentally retarded person that would not go very far in life......I really think alot of people who have not been affected by someone with DS in their lives, thinks the same thing.
To answer a question....I did not have pre-natal screening tests done with either of my children. I felt that if a test were to come out positive, I would stress the remainder of my pregnancy, I would never get an abortion, and I would have tried to pray it away and feel angry and frustrated if nothing changed.
I was wheeled into my room and sat there in a numb shock. They wanted to transfer Myah to Childrens Hospital Downtown to do further tests that they were unable to do at the hospital I had her at. I was able to hold her for about 10 minutes before they transferred her to Childrens the evening of her birth. I felt overwhelmed. I felt helpless. It was terrible to be recovering at one hospital, and to have my newborn baby at another one and being unable to bond with her right away. She was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and wires. It looked pitiful and nothing a mother wants to see for her newborn. The only thing I knew to do was pray. Ask everyone I know to pray and to trust that God had his hand upon her life. I remember my dad saying "well, we know nothing about down syndrome, but i'm gonna love my grandaughter just as much as my grandson" That brought alot of comfort to me.
That evening, once Myah was at Childrens, phone calls trickled in from various doctors and nurses. One by one every test came back normal! I knew the prayers of our family and friends were being answered. It was encouraging, yet still we did not have the genetic tests back to confirm a diagnosis of DS. To be honest, when she was first born, you could tell she had DS. I think I tried to convince myself that it didn't look that way, but it did. Children's hospital did not have a bed to transfer me over there, so I discharged early so I could go be with Myah in the NICU. The first few days were very difficult. She was in the critical care NICU hooked up to all sorts of stuff. I was still in alot of pain and discomfort and my legs would swell quickly so I could only stay there with her for a short period of time. After a few days, she was transferred to the NICU for babies getting ready to go home.
The nurses did a great job creating a little nook in the corner of the room for me. They had a privacy wall that I was able to set up so I could pump, breastfeed and have privacy. I would drive up to the hospital every morning after spending an hour or so with Joel and then stay there with Myah until dinner time. I always tried making it back in time to spend a little time with Joel before he went to bed, then did the same thing for about 2 weeks.
And a side note....THANK YOU GOD for such amazing and supportive family and friends who helped out with meals, watching Joel, running errands, visiting us, praying, etc.
4 days prior to Myah's discharge, the doctor came in to confirm to me that Myah's blood work showed that she had Down Syndrome. I was by myself at the time of that news and I lost it. I had a smidget of hope that it would come back negative and that God would somehow heal Myah of DS. I sat there holding Myah balling my eyes out. She had no clue of the sadness I felt in my heart and I felt horrible even feeling the way I did.
The last few days driving to the hospital I used that time to talk to God, pray and listen to worship music. The day after the diagnosis was confirmed DS, I was listening to a song that was really touching my heart. I heard in my spirit God saying to me "You need to receive your daughter as a perfect gift from me. I knit her in your womb and she is my perfect creation and gift to you" So out loud in my car I said "I receive my daughter as a gift from you and will do my very best at being her parent" I could barely see because I was balling my eyes out, knowing that this needed to be done to bring healing to my heart. Something broke that day in me and I began to see Myah in a different way.
When something like this happens, you almost go through a grieving process. The Myah that I had envisioned died that day and I had to get used to the Myah that God had given us who might have special needs and who might have delays in life. I have realized through this that our world's definition of "normal" is not God's definition. He sees Myah as his perfect creation.
For a few weeks after her birth I was on a roller coaster or emotions. I wanted to go back in time and not have got pregnant again. I thought to myself, "how can this go away"? The thought of having a special needs child made me so uncomfortable. I thought to myself "God, I didn't sign up for this.....this is not how my life is supposed to be" I would come home from the hospital and ball my eyes out to David. I would say things like "how is this going to affect Joel, us and the future......How will she be accepted by our family and society? The list went on and on. I am so very thankful that David was a solid rock during all of this having God's rational perspective on it as opposed to my irrational thoughts of our future. It really helped me to accept Myah because of David's acceptance right from the get go. And to my somewhat surprise....EVERYONE...grandparents and all have nothing but love and acceptance for my little peanut. She is so loved and adored by everyone.
After 2 long weeks of traveling back and forth to the hospital....Myah was finally able to come home. They were waiting for her to be completely weaned off oxygen before sending her home. She was welcomed by her big brother and my mom. Joel knew something was different in his life, and now finally got to meet his sister. He starred at her, pointed to her, poked her and smiled.....and my heart melted knowing that he would love her unconditionally because to him, she was a perfect little baby sister. When God tells us to be childlike....to accept and to see no blemish.....my Joel bug totally showed me that part of God's heart that day.
I wish I could go back from the day Myah was born and be 100% loving and accepting of her. It took me 6 weeks to fully get to the place where when I looked at her, I saw Myah Joy Thomas and not Down Syndrome. But I know that the healing process is necessary to go through. My comfortable life which seemed somewhat "perfect" was disrupted, and I had a hard time with that. It has totally showed me that I am not here on this earth to live a comfortable life. That compared to eternity, life on earth is but a blink of an eye. We are entrusted with our children as a gift from the Lord and we are accountable to raise them right and to do the best we can. Even if God chooses to give you a special needs child, He obviously knew what He was doing, and knew the plans and purposes of that child long before they were born.
I am encouraged everytime I am around the medical profession. They always make comments to me on how normal of a baby she is, even though she has DS. She has strong muscle tone, a strong heart, strong lungs and digestive system, a normal sized tongue and from the voice of her therapists is doing everything a "normal" baby her age should be doing.....and for that I am so grateful and so thankful. When Myah was 1 hour old, it was prayed and prophesied over her life that she was going to be a "wonderment". I truly believe that God did many things that morning in her first day of life that we are not even aware of. Many healings took place and thus far, she is living out that word over her life. She is the sweetest little beanie bear and I love her to pieces. And I can say with all honesty....I would NEVER trade her for anything......not even the Myah I thought she was going to be because this one is so much better.
I do not know what her future holds, but i know the God who holds her future and I know He promises good things for her life. Those who know me, know I am a planner and organizer by nature....God is teaching me through Myah to not look too far into the future where my mind can be deceived, but to take things one day at a time.
Myah is a very sweet natured baby. She loves to be talked to and study faces. She is adorable and my perfect little girl. Our prayer is that she will go above and beyond anything we could hope for. Now a days, people with DS are living great lives. Alot are living on their own, have jobs, volunteer, get married and the list goes on and on. Early intervention is a great program that I am thankful for.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope to inform people through my blogs from time to time on down syndrome and what it is and what it is not. For now, I am just enjoying my babies because they grow up way too fast and I don't want to look back with regrets.
